The Disillusionment

I can't breathe...

I have sank so far into his dark world that I can no longer see the light.

A Special Sister

I have kissed many a women, but sasha kisses are by far my favorite.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on my sweet sister sasha. It was a strange situation to say the least, one that I cannot even pen to paper for if the details of that night fell into the wrong hands…well let me just say it could be disastrous for us all.

Of course I was worried that this girl, one that I had never seen before, would reveal those details. So, I threatened to cut her throat if she did in order to protect my Master and Mistress’s secret. It was just a threat, I would of course never have harmed another’s property, but what she did earned my respect instantly. She stood up to me, making threats of her own. Now there was a girl after my own heart.

It wasn’t long after that night that My Master purchased sasha for his sister, Mistress Ronni, and sasha became part of the Renaldi household. Sasha and I are as close as any two chain sisters can be. We watch out for each other, and calm each other when one of us is upset. There have been nights when I have gone to sleep with her when I am upset with my Master, or he is upset with me.

Sasha is soft, gentle, and demure…all the things that I am not, but we balance each other perfectly. Indeed if I do have a sweeter side, she is one of the rare few that have gotten to see it. She perhaps knows me better than anyone.

He Holds the Key

I have broken my rule of, 'Never let yourself get too attached to your Master.’ I broke it before he even owned me. After Master Agrippa handed me over to Master Valentin, I was brought to my new home. I knew it well as I had spent the better part of two hands there already. I could tell Master Valentin was quite pleased with the deal he had struck with Master Agrippa.

After he removed Master Agrippa’s collar, a dark game was ensued. He allowed me to call him Magistrate, and he called me by my birth name; yasmina. It would be the one and only time he used my body while there was no collar about my throat. I believe he did this to prove that even if I were free, I would still beg to be his slave. He trailed the tips of his fingers over the flesh that was lighter than the rest, where the steel had once been. He drew forth a collar and held it out so I could see. It bore a tag with something inscribed on it. I can't read, so I asked him what it said.

He read aloud, "La Kajira Bit, En'Safora of Valentin Renaldi.”He had planned all along to own me, the tag on the collar proved it.

He held it open and whispered, "Once you are done stripping. I want you to submit my pet."

I melted to my knees before him, and assumed the position of submission. I raised my arms, crossed my wrists, and bowed my head in utter supplication. I can only describe the feeling in my bara as being fluttering tibits. I could feel my pulse racing as he locked the thin, oil boiled, leather collar about my throat. It was tighter than the steel collar he had removed. Each time I swallow, I can feel his collar as it is so snug. He held me in his arms that night, allowing me the warmth of his body as we slept in his furs. It was the most peaceful sleep I have known in many turnings.

The first time I ever saw him…

…was under the cloak of a night sky that was sprinkled with ribbons of lights. I was at the beach with Master Agrippa and lola. There were others there and we were all gathered around a roaring fire. I could see him through the flames as they lifted into the air to be eaten up from lack of fuel. I had noted that he was a striking man, and I was intrigued by his demeanor. Master Agrippa then fetched a free woman he had tied up down the beach from our little gathering, and threw her to Master Valentin’s feet. I watched the way he touched her, control her, commanded her attention. As he left with his new captive he looked in my direction. Had he seen me?

Later that night, after everyone had gone to sleep, a messenger arrived. He told me that Master Valentin wished an audience with me. Me…he wanted to see me…he had seen me. Who was I to deny what a Master wants. I went with the messenger, and he took me to the house in the Western District. Master Valentin had me help him break that free woman. It was the first true contact I had with the ‘Silver tongued’ devil, the man of the people.

When I left that night I could already feel the effect of his poison pulsing through my veins. You see that is what Master Valentin is, a poison, a drug you become addicted to and cannot live without. Several nights later, he sent for me again. I informed him that he must pay 5 coppers for my use, and he threw a silver at me saying, “For the use tonight, and future use.” He had just paid for the use of my body for 20 times. I believe he knew he would poison me fully before that payment of silver was ever used up.

It didn’t take Master Agrippa long to figure out what was going on. It was then that he threatened me and told me to get information from Master Valentin. I did as Master Agrippa told me, and I tried to steal scrolls from Master Valentin’s desk. I was unable to smuggle them out of the house, and had to stash them in a flower pot. The next time he sent for me, I rushed to him. At this point I waited with baited breath, late into the night, for that messenger to come and fetch me.

When I arrived at his house I found him in the den with that brat house slave. He made me watch as she attempted to go down on him; pathetic girl choked the whole time. It was then that he tossed the scrolls, with their smeared ink from the watering they had taken, between my thighs as I knelt in nadu watching him with that girl. “Tell me what these are slut!” He barked at me over the girl’s bobbing head.

What could I tell him, that I had tried to steal them? He pulled that girl from him and stood, crossed the span between us and grabbed me up by my hair. He barked at the kettle slave, “Never let this slut into my house again!” He yanked me from his house, down the brick path way, all the while I stumbled and slapped at his hands. He tossed me into the street and threw a handful of coppers at me, hitting me in the face with them. Those copper coins clattered to the cobblestones around me and I began sobbing uncontrollable.

It was in that instant I knew… I felt it throughout every cell in my body…I could not live without him. He had become my ‘dark obsession,’ and I needed him as surely as my lungs needed air. I would die without his touch, without his torture, without the sound of his voice commanding me. He was the thread that was holding my world together, and it was threatening to become unraveled.

Sold for Five Silvers

When he made that slut get in my face and call me a ‘LIAR’ in front of the whole world I put on a brave face, but I was utterly humiliated. He then drug me to the Inn by my hair, chained me to the wall, and with a sneer he told me, ‘Welcome home’. Writing a letter, he read it aloud to me.

Dear Valentin,

After these many days I have decided to end our joint ownership of the girl bit. I am quite fond of her and have found our separation to be painful in the extreme. I have taken her back and will be keeping her at home until I can see the sweet loving girl that I once knew. Unfortunately, I may not be able to let her out of the house for some time as it seems she has grown to resent that I sent her away. In the mean time you know where I can be reached as I would like to discuss business with you.

Sincerely,

Agrippa Pontus

He was no longer going to allow me to see Master Valentin! I Panicked! There seemed there was never going to be any end to his cruelty to me. He used that letter to get what he wanted, Master Valentin's attention. What was he up to?

It soon became all to clear what he was up to. Did he not know what he meant to me?! For some reason, after all he had put me through, I still loved him. How could he sell me?! I never meant anything to him! I was handed over to Master Valentin for five pieced of silver. I hate him! Hate him!! Why could he not forgive me for lying to him? Why could he not see that I was loyal to him in my own way?! I suffered through lola’s hatred for him. Could he not see what she put me through?

I grew close to Master Valentin because he is kind to me. At his house I found refuge. Mistress Sephy and Mistress Ronni were always gentle with me. For the first time in many hands I felt like I could breathe without someone constantly pointing out what was wrong with me. To them I am not such a horrid beast. Now I must turn to my new Master. At least he can look at me, talk to me, and touch me. Master Agrippa no longer could. I think I mean something to Master Valentin. He sees something in me that Master Agrippa never could. I find that I can trust my new Master. Surely he will never sell me for coins, right? Right?!

Pretty Pawn

The next day, after my Master branded me, I went to him; the trainer. I was a wounded bird who needed its wings mended. When I found him I think he could sense how broken I was. It was the first time the trainer has been gentle with me. He did not bring me to a physician, but tended to my wounds himself; icing my thumbs, wrapping my hands, applying salve to the brand. I don't recall him carrying me to his home, I must have passed out. The day is a blur as I was in and out of consciousness. Throughout the day he tended to my broken body, then he use it benevolently.

I think that was the day that I finally realized what lola felt from our Master. My Master has never been easy with me, but who ever is with a common slut? I am not his love slave, lola is. His touches always seem more tender with lola, and it is something I crave from him, but never receive. Is it possible, that Master Valentine is using this to his advantage; to sway me away from my Master.

Who can ever really tell the true motives of these men. To them I am just a pawn in their twisted games, in their lust for power.

Since my Master has branded me, he will not look at me, he will not touch me, he barely speaks to me. Can I really blame him? I lied to him in front of everyone in an attempt to hide what I am starting to feel for Master Valentin. I don't want him to pull me from the trainer! If he had never handed me over to Master Valentin I would have never experienced that kiss, that touch. I know I was told it was to get information from Master Valentin, but the thought gnaws at my gut that he did it to get me out of his hair, and to make lola happy.

Now a triangle has been formed. I am torn between my loyalty to my Master, and the love I feel for my trainer. I can just hear lola in my head, screaming at the top of her lungs, 'Sell her! She is not worthy of your collar! Sell her, Master!'

Branded a Liar

The sky was very blue, the clouds were white. 'Please, no!' I wept. I saw Rask, with a heave glove, draw forth one of the irons from the fire. It terminated in a tiny letter, not more than a quarter of an inch high. The letter was white hot. 'This is a penalty brand,' he said. 'It marks you as a liar. ''Please, Master!' I wept. 'I no longer have patience with you,' he said. 'Be marked as what you are.

Captive of Gor, page 310

What was I thinking?! Did I think that he did not know me well enough to know that I was lying to him?! I am lucky to be alive, he could have killed me. After all, am I his property to do with as he wishes?

I could feel the anger seething off of him like a vehement vapor as he shoved the branding iron into the brazier. I know my Master well enough to know that he was not trying to scare me, he meant to brand me. The torture he inflicted upon me was not the usual kind meant for pleasure. No, this time he wanted to hear me scream in pain, and I did.

After I realized what I had done, while not shacked, but nailed to the table, I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to draw in all those lies and swallow them like the bitter poison they were. I told him I was sorry. I begged him not to brand me, yet my pleas fell on deaf ears.

"Liar!!" Was all he said to me when he pressed the white hot iron against my flesh, searing it.

I have not felt that degree of pain, nor inhaled that scent since I was branding at the slaving house in Ar. There is something to be said about the scent of your on flesh being burned. I am sure my screams could be heard all the way down the hill to the docks. Although physically painful, the agony I felt at having dishonored my Master was one thousand times worse.

I cried out for him through the night, but he did not come to me. I was left alone with my pain, my moans, my tears, and my disgrace. Nailed to the table, screws to my thumbs, desolation in my heart. I wanted to be forgiven.

I do not know if he will ever trust me again.

I do know that I will always wear the brand of a liar for all the world to see.

It is a brand I have earned.